i’ve pretty much accepted the fact that i’m gonna fail three out of the five classes i’m taking this semester. i finally realized i really wasn’t ready for this college thing. i want to take a break from school next semester but i don’t know if i’ll be able to do that. i just want to work for a bit to get my shit straight and then go back to school next fall but before that it would probably be a smart idea to get my driver’s license.
so even if i do get my license soon, i still don’t know how to approach my parents about this. then i’ve got actually find a job which is kind of sort of a hard thing to do nowadays.
high school really was the best four years of my life. college fucking sucks.
my parents have been pretty shit to me lately.
bad timing, mom and dad.
a few days ago i was cleaning out my old school work stuff and i found a bunch of journal entries where i talked about this one girl i really liked when i was a sophomore. it was one of those things where i wish i could go back and do everything over again because i’m pretty sure things would have worked out in my favor had i actually spoke to her.
i remember when she first told me about her boyfriend. her relationship didn’t really sound right to me and when i saw him, i felt like he wasn’t a good person. at first i thought it was just jealousy but i later found out that he was emotionally abusive. around the same time i found out she might have been an alcoholic which was kind of shocking because she seemed like a smart person. not that smart people can’t be alcoholics, it just didn’t fit her personality.
i noticed she changed after that relationship. she starting hanging out with “sketchy” people and i heard she became a bit of a party girl…
anyway, i’ve been thinking about her a lot lately. all i know is that she goes to georgetown and it looks like she’s having fun. i’m happy for her and i hope she’ll have a good time there.
Whenever I had to do a class presentation in high school, I wouldn’t do the assignment just so that I wouldn’t have to talk in front of everyone. I know I shouldn’t do something like this in college but I did it and now I’m nervous as hell because I have no idea what to tell my professor. I haven’t done much in her class and I know she doesn’t like me so I doubt she’ll be more lenient with me… I just don’t know what to do. I was happy for so long and then I started to become more and more anxious. I think I have to take this seriously and finally talk to a doctor but I really don’t want to because I don’t want to be /that/ girl.
I really don’t know what to do…
my professor complained because no one ever does the homework like if the homework was relevant to anything and wasn’t busy work then you wouldn’t have this problem
the last time i posted on this blog was four months ago. i read my last post twice because i couldn’t believe how much of a brat i was…
i started college and i turned eighteen. i haven’t had a single suicidal thought this semester. i’m a lot happier here. the first day was absolutely horrendous, though. i had the worst panic attack and i was nervous as hell but i made it. i don’t really have any friends yet but i don’t mind because i’m used to being alone. the hardest part about my classes is forcing myself to study or do homework. other than that, school isn’t that difficult.
i didn’t date at all in high school. i was always a friend and nothing more. the guys i liked had girlfriends and the girls i liked were mostly straight. but so far two guys have tried to get with me which has boosted my self esteem… i realize how pathetic that sounds but whatever. i don’t really like anyone here, both in a romantic way and a platonic way. i don’t think the people here are interesting. they’re either too quiet or too loud, there’s no one in between.
i definitely miss high school. i remember going through it i hated it and wanted to get out asap but now that i’m out, i want to go back so bad. sometimes i get really nostalgic and think about freshman and senior year. i hope college is just as good or better than high school.
so yeah… i’m gonna go procrastinate.
i graduate high school tomorrow. this is my special event for me yet my mother thinks its all about her. i never thought she could hurt me the way she did today. she really made me want to get back at her by ending my life but i realized that wouldn’t be fair to my younger sister. if she ruins tomorrow for me i swear to god…
i wish you and i were on the same level. and with him! do you have any morals? i hate you.
first day of summer vacation wasn’t that great but it was still fun. i have high hopes for the next few months.